Thursday 13 October 2011

Dr Strangejudge: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the 2011 Arnold Classic Europe

Elena Shportun's victory at last weekend's Arnold Classic Europe has stirred up a lot of heated discussion on female muscle forum boards.

The gist of most of it has been outrage at how Elena could be placed above women who were more muscular, and particularly why Katka Kyptova wasn't given first place because of her size and conditioning.

This is certainly not the first time (and it's unlikely to be the last) that female bodybuilding judges have made a decision that confuses, even angers, fans of the sport.

Now, say what you like about the judges, but they have been chosen to judge for a reason, they are (presumably!) qualified to judge a female bodybuilding contest. I, and I bet most of those on the forum boards who have complained about the result, are not. As a fan, my own judgements about a competitor are pretty subjective, and if I'm honest, are based largely on how much she turns me on!

If fans really care that much about female bodybuilders who are 'robbed' of titles by judging decisions, they should start a poll that you have to pay a small amount of money to vote on. It would be a kind of 'internet audience' or 'fan' award, and the pot could be given to the winner of the poll when the voting was over.

But until that happens, what you can do is to remember that the pictures and clips from the contest will still be out there five, ten, fifteen years from now, and they will still show these magnificent women in all their muscular glory as they were on the weekend of 8th October 2011.

So, I have learned to stop worrying and love the 2011 Arnold Classic Europe. Of the top five, four of them - Elena, Katka, Britain's golden goddess Lisa Cross, and Simonha Oliveira from Brazil - are among my favourite female bodybuilders currently competing. The pics of the comparisons involving these four are truly mouth-watering displays of prime female muscle meat.

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Simonha finished fifth, which, as I've already explained, is pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. As I find with most Brazilian women (muscular or not) the rearview is quite, let's say, overwhelming, and when she sashays around the stage in that unique Latin American way, she exudes confidence, playfulness and sex appeal.

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Britain's finest, Lisa Cross, was as ripped and vascular as I've ever seen her. Any schmoes out there having a session with Lisa this week must have been in heaven! For me, Lisa's unhurried presence on stage and her pouts and knowing smiles give me the impression that she loves being the centre of the audience's attention, she's well aware what an awesome sight she is. And that is very very sexy.

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In third place, Nina Lobert, yet another in a (hopefully) endless line of massive muscle maidens from Germany. Now unlike the rest of the top 5, Nina doesn't quite do it for me. However, her side chest pose is quite a sight. Imagine getting your hands on that!

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And so to the top two...

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Don't you just love the way they always hold hands while waiting for the announcement of the winner? It's so sweet and, if you have an overactive imagination like yours truly, at the same time it sets off some extremely suggestive thoughts!

Now, as I've already said, I'm not going to get into a discussion about the rights and wrongs of the judges' decision. I just want to homour these two amazing women.

I've already eulogised about Elena's abs in a previous post , but that's not going to stop me doing so again! Her abdominals and thigh pose is, in my opinion, one of the greatest sights in modern female bodybuilding.

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Her spermatic abs aside, when Elena hits this pose it really shows her body at its best. It seems to make her arms look bigger than they do in a double biceps pose, her shoulders suddenly seem broader, her waist more tapered, her thighs more flared. I think she is able to achieve this effect because her physique is so symmetrically balanced. In this pose, the whole effect comes together to enhance her individual parts perfectly.

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And then there was Katka, dark-haired, sultry and sizzling with muscular sexuality. I have heard a rumour that her posing suit had to be made out of a special material from NASA that is used to coat the heat-shields on spacecraft for re-entry into the atmosphere. Without this material, members of the audience in the front rows might have suffered first and even second degree burns from the heat she was emanating. Despite this precaution, the judges found their pens melting when Katka was on stage. Maybe that's why she finished second!

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If this was, as she has said, her last crack at bodybuilding, these images should be treasured. Her routine was particularly sexy. I love it when FBBs get down onto the floor of the stage and show themselves off. It seems so right! Check out Katka's calves in the first picture, her hamstrings in the second and her glutes in the third. Phwoar!

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Before the contest,  her blog whetted the appetite with progress pics and training clips from her preparation. She looked so damn good that I thought she couldn't lose, and maybe it was this feeling that she was a cert for first place that has caused such consternation.

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And it wasn't only the fans who got a shock when the result was announced...

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In sport, as in life, what you expect isn't always what happens. And therein lies its drama and beauty.

The result will gradually become less important as time passes, but the line-up will live forever in the images and clips of this contest of wonderful wonderful female specimens showing off their bodies in peak condition. And that's some consolation.

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And yes, I have been reading a lot of books about Buddhism lately!

Clips from the contest will be added shortly on the Tube page.

Enjoy!

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